


stay

by Cow_Flop



Category: cowchop
Genre: Cowchop - Freeform, F/M, ImmortalHD, M/M, NovaHD - Freeform, UberHaxorNova - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-30 00:39:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 11,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10865451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cow_Flop/pseuds/Cow_Flop
Summary: "Would it ever be enough to make you wanna come home to stay?"Aleks and James had a relationship most would envy. However, somewhere down the road, they drifted. Things grew tense as their love for each other faded. Communication was forced. Nothing seemed authentic, so they both made the adult decision to end things, four months before their three year anniversary. What happens now?





	1. stay

_James sighed contently as he plopped down on the bed. He could feel the low hum of_ _Aleks_ _'_ _bass through the wall. He loved hearing him play, even if it kept him up at night sometimes. It didn't sound like he was playing any particular song. It sounded like he was just messing around with some notes, chords, and rhythms._ _Aleks_ _would play a fast tempo, then a slower one, then back to fast. It sounded complicated to James, but he was sure it was simple to someone who played as frequent as_ _Aleks_ _. Eventually, James found himself drifting to sleep. He didn't realize he'd fallen asleep until_ _Aleks_ _crawled in bed with him. He looked at the younger man through hooded lids and smiled lazily._ _Aleks_ _placed a gentle kiss on his cheek._

_"I wasn't bothering you, was I?" James shook his head. "No. I like hearing you play."_ _Aleks_ _smiled. "Good, because I'm working on a song for you." "You don't need to do that_ _Aleks_ _." James protested, but he was secretly flattered._ _Aleks_ _weaseled under the covers and wrapped his arms around James. He inhaled the scent of his boyfriend, then lightly kissed his neck. "I know, but I want to show you just how much I love you."_

\-------

James stared blankly at the ceiling, his body numb. His face held no expression. The once warm and inviting ambience of his room has long gone. It now offered nothing but cold and invasive memories. He took down all the pictures and got rid of everything that reminded him of Aleks. Everything except the song he wrote. The CD containing the track was kept tucked away in the nightstand by his bed. James tried countless times to destroy the disk, but couldn't bring himself to. He hasn't listened to it in years. It would be to painful...

However, He found himself needing to hear it's slow and calming melody. James glanced over at the nightstand. Biting his lip, he slowly climbed out of bed. He placed a shaky hand on the drawer handle but made no move to pull. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "No. It'll only make the day worse." A weight briefly lifted from his shoulders, only to come back twice as heavy. A loud and annoyed groan left his lips. "Godammit.." James roughly sat on the hard hardwood floor and pulled out his phone. He tapped on the YouTube app, hoping it would destract him from the thoughts plaguing his mind.

Mindlessly, he scrolled through the homepage and his subs, nothing really catching his eye. Just as he was about to close the app, he saw something. It made his heart jump and pick up its pace. " _Aleks_." The man he once called his. The man who once had a tremendous hold on his heart. The man who he'd still do anything for. Against his better judgement, James tapped the video. Music started playing on a black screen. A few seconds in Aleks started talking.

" _What's up guys? It's ya boy here, better known as_ _ImmortalHD_ _. Uh, I just want to apologize for the lack of videos and streams lately. I've been in a real shitty mood, which I'm sure you guys can tell. Most of you probably know or have figured it out by now, but in case you lived under a fucking rock for the last four months, James and I uh, we broke up. Now before you start sending hate and shit his way, listen to me. It was a mutual thing. We both thought it'd be best if we were no longer together. I'm not gonna give you all the juicy_ _deets_ _, because it's personal ya know, but please. Don't send him shit. This had been really hard for both of us, and the last thing either of us want or need is you all fighting and blaming me or him. Let's all just not be_ _dickbags_ _for once all right? Now on to business. I didn't wanna leave you guys hanging for too long, so I'll start pumping out more_ _vids_ _and streams and shit soon, so stay tuned for that. But right now, I have a treat for you guys. I wrote a song and I've worked so fucking hard on it. I'm excited to share it."_

James knew he should stop watching, but something told him to keep watching. So he did.

_I'd sell my soul just to see your face_  
_And I'd break my bone just to heal your pain_  
_And in these times I need a saving grace_  
_'Cause_ _time is running out and I'm starting to lose my faith_

_But if I told you I loved you would you wanna stay?_  
_I'm sorry for the way I make you feel day after day_  
_And if I wrote you a love song and sang it to you everyday,_  
_Would it ever be enough to make you wanna come back home to stay?_  
_Would it make you, make you wanna stay?_

James felt his chest tighten. He blinked rapidly to clear the tears in his eyes. He tried to control the sob he was holding back, but failed miserably. As he listened to the rest of Aleks' song, he broke. Everything he had bottled up exploded all at once. James screamed desperately, wanting to go back to the past two years. He wanted to be able to kiss Aleks. He wanted to hug him tightly. He wanted to hear him play bass in the next room. He wanted to hear his stupid laugh and watch as he face scrunched up. The last remain piece of James' heart shattered. His agonizing misery was once again caused by Aleksandr.


	2. ignite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _**Italics at beginning are flashback*** _

_"God fucking dammit!" Another string on_ _Aleks'_ _bass snapped. "That's the third one this week!"_ _Aleks_ _closed his eyes, sighing through gritted teeth. "I'm never gonna get this done if I keep breaking my fucking strings."  The gentle taps on the door prompted him to look up. "What?" He said with annoyance. "You okay?" James asked, his voice muffled._ _Aleks_ _slid the bass's strap off his shoulder and glared at the instrument. Instead of placing it on its stand, he placed it on the floor beside him. "Yep. Never better." "Now that's a lie if I've ever heard one." James joked as he stepped into the makeshift office._

_Aleks refused to look at him. He found the wall to be more interesting. James looked over his boyfriend.. He frowned noticing the bass. "Why's that on the floor?" Aleks shrugged, still avoiding eye contact. James sighed and walked over to him. "Look at me Aleksandr." He does as he's told. James cracks a smile at his pouting face. "Will you tell me what's wrong?" Aleks stares at the older man, then rolls his eyes. "My strings keep breaking." He gestures to the bass with a sigh. James glances at the instrument. "And if I keep breaking the strings, I'm not going to be able to finish the goddamn song, and then you'll be upset, and then I'll fucking be upset for making you upset and--"_

_"Hey.." James cut him off. He places a gentle hand on Aleks' face. Aleks leans into the touch. James bends his body just enough so they're face to face. "You're not going to upset me. You don't need to rush the song. Hell, you don't even have to write one for me." "But--" Aleks tried to protest, but James interrupts him again. "Let me finish, okay?" He nods. "Thank you. I know I can't talk you out of writing it. We both know you're a fucking stubborn asshole, but I think you should just chill out. You've been working your ass off trying to meet whatever your deadline is. Just take it easy for once, all right? You're not doing either of us any good by rushing it you know." James finished._

_Aleks relaxed slightly when James softly pressed their lips together. He slowly opened his eyes and smiled at the sight of his boyfriend's face. "How did I ever live without you?"_

_\--_

**_2 years later_ **

Aleks hummed along to the rhythm he's currently working on. His head phone were plugged into his amp, partly as to not disturb his girlfriend, and partly so he couldn't hear her nagging. Much to his dismay and expectation, his girlfriend tapped his shoulder. He removed his headphone and turned to face her. He was instantly greeted by a sweet face and an even sweeter smile. "I didn't wanna bother you because you looked really focused, but I needed to ask if you wanted to go to the dog park with me and Mishka later." Aleks looked at her. "Uh, gee Kammi, I don't know. I've got a real good groove goin' right now."

Kammi pouted. "Awe, c'mon Aleks! You haven't been out of the house in weeks! A little fresh air would do us both some good!" Aleks bit his lip. "I don't know..." Kammi bent over slightly and placed a manicured hand on his face. "Please?" She asked quietly. Aleks looked in her warm brown eyes, feeling uneasy. "I uh, sure." The girl squeed and placed a big kiss on his cheek. Aleks felt a wave of relief when she pulled away. "Thank you! I'll come check on you in a few hours when I'm ready okay?" He nodded. "Okay. I'll be here." Kammi kissed him once more before exiting the room. Aleks let out a loud groan when he realized a string on his bass had snapped.

\--

"Okay here ya go girl! You're free!" Aleks released the hound and she bolted, nearly ramming into a dog twice her size. Kammi and Aleks laughed. "Well that's one way to make friends" Kammi joked. Aleks smiled genuinely. "Thanks for begging me to come with you. I really did need to get out of the house." He slid an arm around her waist and pulled her close. She giggled and threw her arms over his shoulders. "You're very welcome." Aleks tucked a strand of her firey orange hair behind her ear. Kammi stood on her tip toes and gave him a quick peck on the lips. He frowned. "Just a peck?" She puckered her lips and pointed to them. "Sorry. Lipstick." "And?"

Aleks leaned in to kiss her again, but got distracted by a high pitch bark. They both turned and looked for the orgin of the sound. His eyes finally fell on Mishka, who was playing with a dog much smaller than her. It seemed like the smaller dog was getting the best of Mishka, which made Aleks chukle. His smile slowly started to fade into confusion as he watched the dogs play. Kammi noticed her boyfriend's mood change. "What? Is something wrong?" Aleks snapped out of his trance and forced a smile. "Nothing. That dog playing with Mishka just looks really familiar." She shrugged. "Maybe you've seen him here before." "Yeah, maybe--"

"EIN!"

Aleks tensed up. _No._ A man in a bulky leather jacket ran towards Mishka and the smaller dog. Aleks let go of Kammi and squinted. "Aleks?" She questioned. The man bent over and picked up his dog. Mishka barked at him and nearly knocked him down by jumping on him. "Mishka! DOWN!" Kammi yelled. The dog obeyed, but continued to bark. "Aleks? Should we do something?" Aleks didn't reply. "Aleks? Do you know that guy? Why are you acting so weird?"

"James."

"James?" Kammi asked. She looked at him quizzically. Then it registered in her mind. "Oh! James! James! Your friend James!" "EX friend." Aleks corrected. "Oh hush! I highly count losing touch a valid excuse for not being friends! Maybe he wants to reconnect!" Aleks scoffed. "That's highly unl--"

"JAMES!!!!"

Kammi yelled. Aleks nudged her and glared. "What the hell are you doing!?" She glared back. "Trying to get him to come over obviously! JAMES!!!!" He quickly tried to silence her but failed. She just kept screaming and waving her arms. Eventually Kammi caught the man's attention. Aleks could see the awkward smile on his face as tried to figure out why some random girl was excited to see him. He politely waved back until he saw Aleks. His hand slowly fell to his side. His grip on Ein loosened and she leaped from his arms. "GODDAMMIT EIN!"

The corgi bolted towards Aleks and Kammi, with James close behind. Ein barked happily at Aleks when she reached the two. "Awe how cute!" Kammi cooed. "I'm so sorry!" James panted. Kammi waved it off. "Oh it's fine! He's so cute!" "She." Aleks corrected. She looked to James, who nodded. "It's she." "I'm Kammi by the way, and you obviously already know Aleks."

Aleks and James locked eyes for the first time in a little over two years. The familiarity of his gaze sent a warmth through Aleks' body. James now had long hair that was tied back in a bun. He was noticeably thinner. Even his clothing style changed. "Hello Aleksandr." He stuck his hand out. Aleks shakily took his hand, giving it a firm shake. "Wow. You guys must've been really close. He doesn't even let _me_ call him Aleksandr, and I'm his girlfriend!" Kammi joked. Aleks noticed the flick of pain in James' eye. James laughed nervously. "Uh, yeah. We were extremely close." He forced a smile. "Aleks don't be rude! Say something." Kammi poked him.

"You look incredible." Aleks blurted. James grinned sheepishly. "Thanks." Kammi looked between the two suspiciously. "I hate to cut your reunion a short, but I think it's almost time we leave Aleks." Aleks nods. "Right. Uh, It was nice seeing you again James." He put his hand out. James continued to stare at him, causing his cheeks to warm. Aleks flinched when James hugged him instead. "Good seeing you too man, and it was nice meeting you too Kammi." James smiled and hugged Kammi as well. "Oh! You should come over sometime! Aleks, give him your number!"

"Actually, I already have his number." The couple gave him a look. "I've had it memorized for years." James shrugged.  "Oh okay! Well great! Call him sometime and we'll all get together!" He forced another smile. "Sounds great." "Wonderful! Mishka! C'mere girl!" The keeshond whips her head around, then dashes for her owners. Kammi clipped the leash to her harness, then bent down to give Ein one more pat on the head. "It was nice meeting you too Ein!" Kammi stood up and sighed happily. "Well I guess I'll see you soon James." Aleks said.

"Guess so."


	3. brood

_Aleks stared wide eyed at James. "You what?" James closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. "I can't do this anymore. I can't be "just friends" Aleksandr."_

_The thought of his best friend having feelings for him terrified Aleks. His confession came out of nowhere. No signs, no hints, nothing. Aleks was blindsided. "I-I don't.. When did this happen?" James cautiously looked him in the eye. "About a year ago--"_

_"A year ago!?" Aleks' sudden change in volume caused James to flinch. He adverted his gaze. Aleks could do nothing but sit in his chair speechless._ A year. _He thought._ A whole fucking year.

_James cleared his throat, breaking the awkward silence. "I can see that this is awkward, so I'm going to go back to my office." Aleks slowly nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah, okay." James pressed his lips together then turned to make his exit. "I'll see you at home then?"  Aleks bit his lip. "Uh yeah, but I think I'm gonna stay late... I have a lot of editing and shit to do..."_

_Aleks couldn't see, but James smiled sadly. "Right. I won't wait up then."_

_With that, James left for his office, leaving Aleks alone with his conflicting thoughts._

\---------------

James sighed upon entering his apartment. "What a fucking day, huh Ein?" The corgi barked in response, seeming to agree. He smiled at his furry companion. "Alright. Let's get you some dinner, yeah? You hungry?" Ein barked excitedly, making James chuckle. "At least someone's always happy with me." He bent down and removed her harness and leash, then made his way to the kitchen.

-

"Shit." James groaned. "When did I fall asleep?"  It was dark in his home. He blinked a few times to clear his blurry vision. His eye focused on the clock on his microwave. " _Ten o'clock?!_ " He placed his face in his hands and groaned once again. "I didn't get a damn thing done today!"

His head quickly shot up. "Fuck!" James frantically searched his person for his phone. Once he found it, he searched through his contacts. He stopped on the one he needed and hit call. "C'mon... You can't be asleep yet..." The line rang a few more times before someone picked up.

" _How nice of you to finally call me."_

"Seamus! I'm sorry! I got home later than I wanted and then I passed out."

_"And you're just now waking up? Jesus James."_

"I know, I know. I've just had a shitty day."

_"Well no hard feelings sleeping beauty. You need to talk, or would you prefer to just sleep the rest of your life away?"_

James thought for a moment. He didn't really want to talk about seeing Aleks, but he also didn't want to keep it bottled up. He sighed.

"It's nothing. I just.. ran into Aleks.. and girlfriend."

Silence.

_"You need to let him go, James."_

"It's not that easy Seamus."

Seamus sighed. " _I know that, but it's been two years. If there was anything left to save, it would've happened by now."_

"But we haven't seen each other or talked to each other for those two years."

_"And for good reasons James. Look, I know you're still kicking yourself over your break up, but what's done is done. You can't go back. I'm willing to listen and offer any advice I can, but listen to me right now: he's not coming back, and he won't_ ever _come back. You need to move on, because he clearly has."_

James choked back the tears forming. The last thing he needed was for Seamus to to hear him cry.

"I know. It's just hard."

_"I know buddy. But listen, I need to go. I'll talk to you later, alright James?"_

"Okay."

_"Bye."_

"Bye."

James hung up and tossed his phone to the seat beside him. Then cried. He cried and cried and cried. He cried because of Seamus, who he knew was right. He cried because he was alone, oh so alone. He cried because of Aleks.

_Aleks._ The man he was still hopelessly and desperately in love with. The man who made him happy. The man who caused him so much pain and heartache.

The man who James let get away.

-

"Hey Aleks. Can I ask you something?" Aleks glanced up from his computer. "You just did." Kammi gave him look. He snickered. "Sorry. Go ahead."

"Why did you mean when you said James looked incredible?"

Aleks froze, unsure of the answer he should give. "Uh, well.." _This is dangerous territory._ He thought. "It's just it's been a long time since I saw him, and he's slimmed down a lot since then. I didn't mean anything by it." _Liar._ He shook the thought from his mind. Kammie nodded with a smile.

"Okay. Just curious. Anyway, I'm going to head off to bed." She walked over to Aleks and kissed his head. "Goodnight. I love you." Aleks smiled. "Love you too Kammi." _Liar._

He sighed after she left.

"The less she knows, the better."

 


	4. insomnia

_"James?" Aleks quietly closed the door behind him. "You still up?" He heard an irritated grunt. "James?" The blob on the bed groaned again and begrudgingly shifted so he was sitting up. His hair was a mess. It went every which way and had crazy volume. 'Mad scientist hair', as James liked to call it. Moonlight peeked through the curtains, leaving James slightly illuminated. Aleks could see a little chest hair showing just above the blanket._

_"What the fuck do you need Aleksandr?" James spoke, obviously annoyed. He looked at his roommate with one open, squinted eye. Aleks snapped out of his trance, thankful the darkness of the room hid the blush on his face. "Uh, I just wanted to.. to come say goodnight! Sooo, goodnight!" James looked at him with what Aleks could only imagine as an exasperated face._

_Aleks quickly turned on his heel, wanting to avoid further embarrassing himself._

_"Aleksandr."_

_Aleks stopped and squeezed his eyes closed. He could hear James crawling out of bed. "Yeah James?"_

_"You came into my room, knowing full well that I was asleep," James stood right behind Aleks, "and woke me up, just to say goodnight then leave?" Aleks slowly nodded. He tensed at the feeling of James' hands on his right shoulder and left hip._

_"Goodnight, asshole." James whispered lowly. He placed a feather light kiss on the space just below Aleks' ear. "You can sleep with me if you'd like, since I know that's why you actually came in here."_

\-------------

Aleks lie wide awake with a loud mind. Two weeks had passed since his encounter with James and he's been the constant subject of his thoughts. He wondered how he was doing. He wondered how Ein was. He wondered if he'd dated anyone since they broke up. He wondered if James thought of him as much as he did.

Aleks sighed then rubbed his face. "I shouldn't be thinking about him." He said to no one. His eyes fell on the girl beside him. Her long fiery hair was tied back in a bun. She looked peaceful, at home almost, sleeping next to Aleks. Kammi stirrred, but didn't wake. He continued watching her, only to feel an all to familiar feeling.

Aleks loved Kammi. He honest and truly did, but he could never shake the feeling of guilt in his stomach. Kammi was so open with him. She damn near told him everything, but Aleks? He still hid so much from her. There was a whole side to him that she didn't know. They'd been together a year, and Aleks has still failed to mention his sexuality. He planned to keep it secret, but now that James is, seemingly, back in his life, he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep it secret.

"Aleks? Aleks?" The sound of his name brought him back to reality. Kammi was now awake, a concerned look on her face. "You all right baby? You've been staring at the wall for a long time." _When did I start staring at the wall?_ Aleks blinked. "Ah, yeah. I just couldn't sleep." Kammi sat up. "What's on your mind?" Aleks went to speak, but stopped. _What's the point in lying to her?_

"I've just been thinking about James a lot lately. It'd been so long since I saw him last and when someone's been a big part of your life like he was in mine and you see them again, it's all you think about. So much lost time and we could've easily worked out our problems instead of just... drifting."

The words just fell from his mouth. He didn't have time to think. Kammi watched him closely. "So talk to him. Invite him over. Reconnect. You obviously miss him." Aleks looked at her. "Is it that obvious?" She nodded with a smile. "Absolutely, but that's okay. I know what it's like to lose contact with a best friend. I don't want you to lose yours again. Besides, I'd love the opportunity to get to know him better since he was such a big part of your life."

_If only you knew._

\---------

"2:42 AM." James sighed as he mindlessly scrolled through Instagram. "Another sleepless night, but thank god for a new follower and message." He rolled is eyes and tapped on the heart.

**_aleks_hd started following you._ **

**_aleks_hd sent you a message._ **

James looked at the notifications, not believing his eyes. "What the hell..." Not knowing what to expect, he opened the DM.

 

**_aleks_hd:_ **  
_Hey._

**_analusername:_ **  
_Why're you up so late?_

**_aleks_hd:_ **  
_Couldn't sleep. Why're you up?_

**_analusername:_ **  
_Can't sleep as well._

**_aleks_hd:_ **  
_Dope. Listen, I actually have a question._

**_analusername:_ **  
_What is it?_

**_aleks_hd:_ **  
_Kammi would really like to get to know you better. Would you be willing to come over sometime?_

**_aleks_hd:_ **  
_I'd like to catch up too._

**_analusername:_ **  
_Sure I guess._

**_aleks_hd:_ **  
_Way to sound excited dude._

**_aleks_hd:_ **  
_Next week on Saturday okay?_

**_analusername:_ **  
_Works for me._

**_aleks_hd:_ **  
_Tight._

**_aleks_hd:_ **  
_Alright well I'm gonna try to go back to bed now._

**_aleks_hd:_ **  
_So goodnight James._

**_analusername:_ **  
_Goodnight,_

**_analusername:_ **  
_Asshole._


	5. impending

_Aleks rubbed his hands together. "Jesus FUCK it's cold!" He blew warm air on them, but it offered little relief. James chuckled. "I told you to wear gloves." He wiggled his covered fingers in Aleks' face, to which Aleks promptly pushed them away. "Fuck you. I'm not gonna wear gloves just to walk from a parking lot to the theater." His breath visible as he huffed. "It's a long walk though." James remarked. Aleks ignored him and continued to try warming his hands._

_James rolled his eyes and sighed. He removed his left glove then handed it to Aleks. "Here." Aleks looked at it confused. "What good is one fucki--" James grabbed his left hand, making Aleks scowl. "Jesus, what now?!"_

_"I can't put this on with you holding my hand!"_

_James pressed his lips together to keep from laughing but failed. Aleks glared at him. "What?"_

_"You're such a drama king!" James said between wheezes._

Aleks exhaled. He released his boyfriend's hand to put on the lone glove. James smirked and shook his head as Aleks held his hand once more.

_"You're welcome Aleksandr."_

-

**T** **uesday**

"I still think you're fucking crazy." Seamus stated. "Going to your ex's house so you guys can 'catch up' and let his girlfriend get to know you? Do you honestly think that's not fucking weird?"

James rolled his eyes. "It was her idea."

"That makes it even weirder!"

James paused the game. Seamus set his controller down on the table and looked at him. "Seriously James. Did you or did you not call me like a month ago and give me a sob story? And now you're gonna go over to _his house_ so his _girlfriend_ can get to know you?"

James thought about his words. He didn't think it was odd. He thought nothing more of it than just two people reconnecting. Had it not been for Kammi, he and Aleks probably would've continued to act like neither existed. They would've gone on with their lives as if they weren't once madly in love. He didn't know about Aleks, but James needed this.

"Seamus, I get where you're coming from but--"

"James, she doesn't even know you and Aleks dated!"

"She could!" James defended. Seamus looked at him exasperatedly then rolled his blue eyes.

"I know the risk I'm taking Seamus, but I need this."

Seamus went to speak, but thought of nothing to say. James' mind was clearly made up and nothing he could say would change it. He shook his head, letting out a disappointed sigh.

"You're a fucking idiot." He grabbed his controller then gestured for James to resume the game.

"I know."

-

**Thursday**

**_Message sent to Aleks:_ **   
_Hey Aleks, it's James. Just making sure we're still good for Saturday?_

**_1 New Message_ **   
**_Aleks:_ **   
_Yeah still good._

**_Message sent to Aleks:_ **   
_K cool. See ya then._

**_1 New Message:_ **   
**_Aleks:_ **   
_Can't wait to see you again._

-

**Saturday**

James looked himself over once more. He sighed thinking he was underdressed in jeans and a sweater. "It's not a five star restaurant. You're just going to their house for Christ's sake." He rolled his eyes at his reflection and walked back into his room. James flopped down on his bed with a groan. "So why am I so fucking anxious?" He groaned louder at the sound of knocks at the door. With another sigh, he got off the bed, grabbed his leather jacket, and made his way down the stairs. He was greeted by a less than enthusiastic blond man.

"I still think this is a terrible idea." Seamus stated. "And I still don't understand why I have to drive you there."

"Well hello to you too." James joked, closing the door behind him. "And you could've said no. I'm not forcing you."

-

Aleks sat at the edge of his and Kammi's bed. He puffed up his cheeks as he sighed. The clock on the bedside table read 6:30. Kammi emerged from the bathroom, eyeing Aleks' pants. "White? Are you sure that's a good idea?" Aleks glanced down. "What's wrong with my pants?" Kammi returned to the bathroom. "Well, nothing. You just look good in those pants and I don't want James trying to steal you away." She reappeared, this time with a completed full face of make up, and smirked layfully. Aleks gestured for her to sit beside him.

"Well you don't have to worry about that. I only have eyes for you." He smiled softly at Kammi, who smiled back. "Good, because I happen to be very fond of you." She leaned in to kiss him, but the moment was interrupted the doorbell. Aleks shot up. Kammi stood and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"He's here."


	6. saturday

_Aleks_ _drummed his fingers on the bathroom counter. Nervousness began to set in._ It's just dinner Aleks. It's just dinner. _He sighed. The knock on his bedroom door made him jump. "_ _Aleks_ _? You ready yet?" James asked. He looked his reflection over one final time,_ _zhooshing_ _his hair so it was perfectly placed. "Yeah! I'll be out in just a sec!"_ _Aleks_ _smiled at_ _James'_ _exaggerated groan. He quickly walked into his room, grabbed his phone and wallet. With one last sigh, he opened the door and walked out._

_"Finally! I've been wait--"_

_James stopped_ _mid sentence_ _, looking over_ _Aleks_ _with amusement. "Well we won't have to worry about people wondering if we're a gay couple." The younger man wore dark jeans and a plaid, blue and green button up, the outfit being very similar to_ _James'_ _._ _Aleks_ _took notice of_ _James'_ _plaid, green and blue flannel and chuckled. "Yeah, you'd think we'd planned this or something." James smiled then kissed him on the cheek._

_"Good. I want the world to know your mine."_

-

"James! It's nice to see you again! Come on in!" James smiled with a nod, stepping inside. "Thanks for inviting me over." Kammi closed the door behind. "Of course, of course! Any friend of Aleks' is a friend of mine!" She hooked an arm around his elbow. James chuckled. "We're not exactly friends though." Kammi waved him off with her free hand. "Oh hush! That's what tonight's about!"

She pulled him along through the spacious and modern living room. The grey walls were peppered with colourful paintings that brought the space to life. The couch and loveseat were an atrocious shade of green, but somehow still fit the room perfectly. "The bathroom is just around this corner. It's the door with cherry blossoms." James looked at her confused. "I painted something on every door to a room." Kammi shrugged nonchalantly.

"So you're an artist?"

"Yep!" She beamed. "I've been painting since I was three. Most of the art in this house I painted myself."

"Yeah she's quite the artist."

Both of them whipped their heads around. Aleks emerged from the kitchen holding two beers and water. He smiled at James and handed him a beer. "We didn't know what to make for dinner so we just ordered some pizzas." Kammi detached herself from James then clung to Aleks. He gave her a quick peck on the lips and handed her the water.

The couple sat on the loveseat. James followed suit, taking a seat on the surprisingly comfortable couch. Aleks tossed an arm over the back of the small sofa, not once taking his eyes of James. He caught glimpse of a small smile on his face.

"So James, what do you do?"

"I make content on YouTube."

"Oh you still do that? Is it still gaming stuff?"

James looked at Kammi questioningly. "Uh, Yeah."

"That's cool! Aleks told me bits and pieces about the groups you guys used to be in. CowChop and..." She frowned. "What was the other one again?"

"The Creatures." Both men replied. They looked at each other and chuckled.

The doorbell rang. "Oh! Pizza's here! I'll get it! Aleks go get plates and napkins!"

\--

Time got away from him. James spent three hours over at Aleks and Kammi's. He hadn't laughed so hard or been this happy since his and Aleks' falling out. The change was nice. It was a genuine good time, like they'd all been childhood friends. James was thankful he ran into them at the dog park. Kammi looked between the two gabbing friends and smiled. She looked at the clock on the fireplace mantle, yawning when she realized the time.

"Alright boys," she said through her yawn, "it's nine thirty and I'm exhausted. I'm gonna head to bed." Mishka jumped of James' lap when Kammi stood. "It was nice finally getting to meet you James. I hope we can get together again soon, maybe bring Seamus with you next time." She winked. James smiled. "We'll see." Kammi bent down to kiss Aleks. "Don't stay up too late okay? Love you."

"I won't. I love you too."

Kammi waved at the two, then departed up the stairs with Mishka close behind. The house fell in a comfortable silence. Aleks and James stared at each other, alone for the first time of the night. Thoughts swarmed their minds, but neither wanted to speak.

"I'm glad you came over." Aleks finally said.

"Me too. Kammi's great."

Aleks smirked. "I know. She's my better half. I don't know what I'd do without her."

"I'm glad she makes you happy. You deserve it." James smiled. It fell slightly as he asked his question. "She has no idea about us though, does she?"

Aleks looked at him sadly, then sighed. "No. As far as she's concerned, we were nothing more then best friends who just went different ways and neither of us ever tried to reconnect."

James nodded. "I guess that's not entirely wrong." Aleks chuckled. James pushed off the couch and stretched.

"Well," he said, rolling his head side to side, "I think I better call Seamus to come and pick me up." He held his hand out for Aleks. The younger man took it and pulled himself up. He had too much momentum and crashed into James' chest, who instinctively embraced him so he wouldn't topple. "Jeez you're a lightweight." He snickered. Aleks laughed nervously. "Sorry. Guess the beer set heavier than I thought."

"I won't hold it against you." James held him closer. "But I do need to go." He whispered. Aleks wrapped his arms around James.

"Okay. We'll hang out again soon right?"

"Yes."

"Promise?"  
  
"Promise."

"Can we just.. stay like this until you leave?"

"Whatever you want, _Aleksandr._ "


	7. fragment

_"What's up guys? It's ya boy Aleks here, better known as ImmortalHD in the internet, and today I'm here with--"_

_"Hellooo."_

_"My boyfriend-"_

_"Boyfriend? Aleksandr, I don't recall us having that conversation."_

_Aleks froze up._ Shit. _He thought. "I uh, well ya see.." He could feel his cheeks getting red._

_"You tell your fans that we're official before telling me?" James laughed. "That's fucked up."_

_"Yeah, well it slipped." He huffed, crossing his arms. James giggled, only irritating him more._

_"Oh relax. You can call me your boyfriend anytime."_

\--

James left a piece of his heart with Aleks. Though a piece was missing, his heart swelled with joy. He felt whole again holding him close. The world seemed a little less dark. Happiness, _true happiness_ , was an anomaly to him nowadays-- but tonight.

Tonight he remembered. James remembered what it felt like to laugh, what it was like to _feel._ His worries melted away. He saw everything with a new, refreshing light. He sighed contently, watching the snow covered scenery pass by.

"Are you gonna tell me how it went or am I gonna have to beg?" Seamus finally asked. The car ride had been quiet with James lost in merry thoughts. The blond snuck quick glances at him. He groaned.

"C'mon now! Don't make me beg, James!"

James smirked.

"I don't know man. I'd kinda like to hear you beg."

Seamus rolled his eyes. "In your fucking dreams!"

"Okay, okay." James chuckled. "It was good. Kammi's really sweet and down to earth. Aleks is still the same shit bag he's always been. They work together nicely."

"Mhm."

James looked over at him. "What's that supposed to mean? ' _Mhm_ ' what?"

Seamus slowed as the street light turned yellow. He met James' eyes.

"I can read you like a book James. What else happened?"

"Nothing. We hugged and said goodbye when you showed up. That's it." James said annoyed. The light turned green and Seamus continued on. "Was this a simple hug, or a something more hug?"

"What the fuck does that even mean, ' _a something more hug_?'" He felt his good mood deteriorating. He also felt a headache start to form. James rolled his eyes. "Okay so the hug was a ' _something more_ ' hug. Big fuckin' whoop."

Seamus shook his head disapprovingly.

"James--"

"I know, Seamus! I _know._ " He sighed. "Just let me have the one hug, all right? Besides, he's the one who asked for it anyway."

"Was Kammi there for that?"

"No."

"So I can assume she has no idea you two used to fuck?"

"Jesus Christ Seamus!" James exclaimed. "And no. She has no idea." He grumbled.

"You're playing with fire, James."

\--

The silence of his home calmed James. His body relaxed as he laid on his bed. Ein whined quietly, wanting attention. James sat up then bent down to lift the little dog. He placed her on the bed. She panted happily. He smiled at her. "You won't give me shit for tonight, will ya?" The corgi licked his hand. James plopped back on the bed with a heavy sigh.

"Maybe Seamus is right though.." He looked at Ein, who was oblivious to his words.

\--

Aleks watched as James left, a piece of him leaving with James. His body felt cold, like James robbed him of all warmth. He hugged himself tightly. A voice in Aleks' head told to feel guilty. The voice shamed him. _You're gonna hurt him. You're leading him on,_ it said. He let out a shaky breath.

"You okay baby?"

He turned to see Kammi and Mishka at the top of the stairs. The keeshond cocked her head to the side and wagged her tail. Aleks forced a smile.

"Yeah. James just left. I'll be up in a bit."


	8. resolutions

_"_ _Aleks_ _, you know I fucking hate heights!" James whined. He eyed the ferris wheel nervously. "I'm not fucking drunk enough to get on that thing." The line for the ride was relatively short. James thought his feet were glued to the pavement, but he felt himself being tugged toward the tall, terrifying, rotating circle._

_"Awe_ _c'mon_ _James! It's New Year's Eve! Your resolution can be to stop being a little bitch when it comes to heights!"_ _Aleks_ _teased. James yanked his hand away and glared at his boyfriend._

_"And maybe yours can be to not freak out when you get cum on your face, prick!"_

_"You know I hate shit on my face!"_

_"And you know I hate heights!"_

_Aleks_ _sighed, grasping his trembling hands. He looked sympathetically into James eyes._

_"Look, James, I wanted to ride the ferris wheel with you and have our first kiss be at the very top when the clock strikes midnight; but we don't have to. We can--"_

_Aleks_ _was cut off by_ _James'_ _lips. He felt a shaky hand on his cheek._ _Aleks_ _grabbed the other and intertwined their fingers. He heard drunken people walking by whooping and hollering. James shyly pulled away._

_"It's past midnight on the east coast." James smiled._ _Aleks'_ _face grew warm. The grip on his hand tightened. James pulled him along toward the ferris wheel._

_"And since you wanna be a romantic sap, I'll make an exception and ride that stupid thing with you."_

_Aleks_ _stopped._

_"James, you don't have too."_

_He turned, faced the still blushing man, and kissed him again. Warmth spread through their bodies. Both sighed contently._

_"But I want to. For you. For us."_

\--

Surreal: the only word James could use to describe reconciling with Aleks. The pair grew incredibly close after just three weeks, like nothing had ever happened. Constant texts and banters on Twitter. Old friends getting back together. James was his self again. He felt rejuvenated, all thanks to Aleksandr.

"I haven't been this happy in years." He'd often tell Seamus. Seamus was wary of it all, convinced Aleks would hurt him again. He feared he'd have to put James back together again, but he feared more that it wouldn't work a second time. Seamus had a strong animosity towards Aleks, but tried his best to keep his mouth shut. Who was he to shit on his best friend's old best "friend", even if it meant James could get hurt again?

\--

_**Message sent to** _ _**Aleks** _ _**:** _   
_You busy this weekend?_

_**1 New Message:** _   
_**Aleks** _ _**:** _ _Not sure yet. Why?_

_**Message sent to** _ _**Aleks** _ _**:** _   
_I was thinking about asking you to come over to record something with me._

_**1 New Message:** _   
_**Aleks** _ _**:** _ _Sounds like fun, but I don't know if I'll be available. I'll get back to you later in the week?_

_**Message sent to** _ _**Aleks** _ _**:** _   
_Sure thing._

\--

_**1 New Message** _   
_**Aleks** _ _**:** _ _Hey man. Gonna need a rain check_

_**Message sent to** _ _**Aleks** _ _**:** _   
_All right. No hard feelings man._

\--

"Hey Kammi. You wanna go out to dinner tomorrow? Like a fancy dinner?" Aleks asked. The girl looked up from her sketch pad. "Uh, sure. What's the occasion?"

He smiled.

"No reason. Just wanna treat you to a nice dinner."

\--

_**Flashback was inspired by numbers 5 and 14 on this post** _

_**http://** _ _**alloftheprompts.tumblr.com** _ _**/post/156894761288/** _ _**themed-prompts-first-kiss** _


	9. oath

_"James, we need to talk." James felt his heart stop. Nothing good ever comes from those words. He looked up from his computer. Aleks stood awkwardly by the door, waiting to be invited in. James removed his head phones and waved him in._

_Aleks looked everywhere but at James. "Aleks?" Concern filled his voice. "What is it?"_

_"I think we need to break up."_

_He spoke softly, fearing if he spoke any louder the house would fall in on itself. Aleks dared a glance at James. The man bore no expression. He only stared back._

_"Uhm, okay." James tried to hide his hurt and confusion. "Is.. is there a reason why?"_

_"Things have just been kinda stale, ya know?"_

_Silence._

_"Okay."_

_James went back to editing. Aleks straightened his back, not expecting such a nonchalant response._

_"So we're good?" He asked_

_James glanced up and shrugged._

_"Yeah. This is what you want so..." his voice trailed off. Aleks looked at him then nodded. "Cool. Well, goodnight James."_

_"Goodnight Aleks."_

\--

Aleks thought his heart would burst through his chest. Nothing in his life has made him this nervous. He felt physically ill. "Maybe going out to dinner was a terrible idea." He sighed loudly. His hands trembled slightly as he put the ring in Kammi's drink. It gracefully floated to the bottom. His eyes found Kammi in the distance.

Her orange hair made her stand out against the dimness of the restaurant. It cascaded in long waves, framing her round face. The little black dress she wore hugged her figure nicely. She caught a glimpse of Aleks and smiled. Her hips swayed as she walked back to their table. Aleks was mesmerized, truly enchanted by the beauty walking towards him.

"Sorry I took so long. The stalls were all full." Kammi took her seat. Aleks grinned. "It's fine. When you gotta go, you gotta go." She giggled. Aleks flashed her a dopey grin. Kammi rolled her eyes with a smirked, then reached for her drink. She pulled her hand back when she noticed the ring. Her eyes snapped back to Aleks.

"Is that..?"

He reached across the table for her hand and intertwined their fingers. Kammi continued to look at him with ecstatic confusion. Aleks closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Kammi, I love you and I'd love to spend the rest of our lives together. Will you marry me?"

Kammi nodded, a huge smile plastered on her face. Aleks visibly relaxed. He brought  her hand to his lips and kissed it softly. "You wanna skip dessert and go home early?" He whispered mischievously. "Sounds good to me." She agreed. Aleks winked then proceeded to flag down the waiter.

Kammi pulled her phone from her clutch bag and took a picture of the ring in the drink. She then fished it out and slid it on, taking another picture. Her heart swelled with joy.

\--

**_Kammi_____ ** _I'm engaged!!!!!_

 

**_aleks_hd, analusername, and 20 others liked this_ **

 

**_ _**

**_

###  [Chapter 10](/works/10865451/chapters/24134568): confession 

_**

**_

### Chapter Text

_Aleks propped himself up against the door frame. He watched James clean the dishes, still in his pjs and blissfully unaware of his presence. His hair was an absolute mess. It had been a while since James last got it cut. Aleks loved these moments. Everything felt like it was put together, like this was how the rest of his life would be. He smiled at thought of their future._

_"You want some help?"_

_James jumped at sound of his voice. "Jesus Christ Aleks! You fucking scared me!"  He turned to look at his boyfriend who was now walking towards him. "How long were you standing there, you creep?" James put his attention back on the small pile of dirty dishes. He smiled as Aleks wrapped his arms around his waist._

_"Not too long." He said and placed a gentle kiss on his shoulder. "Just long enough for me to realize how much I love you."_

_The grip on James' waist tighten. A weird but comfortable silence fell between them. Aleks pressed his cheek against his back, obviously waiting for a response._

_"You're so gay." James replied, making both of them chuckle. "I love you too, though."_

_Aleks sighed contently, tightening his grip once again._

_"Good,_ because I really, really love you."

\--

James' blood went cold. His heart stopped and completely shattered.His entire body felt like it was caving in on itself.

"James?" Seamus asked.

"Aleks and Kammi.. Aleks is... they.. they're... _engaged_..." James' voice was merely a whisper.

Seamus straightened his back and looked at his friend worriedly. "James.."

"Take me to his house."

Seamus looked at him like he just grew another head. "James, I don't think that a good idea.." 

"Take me there. _NOW_."

\---

Aleks looked at Kammi with a new found love. _I'm going to marry this woman_. He smiled at the thought. "What are you smiling about?" She asked. Aleks broke from his thoughts and smiled softly at her. "Just the thought of spending the rest of my life with you." Kammi smirked as she walked up to her fiance. "When did you turn into such a sap?" She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Just now."

Aleks said, placing his hand on her hips. Just as he was about to kiss her, the doorbell frantically rang. Aleks glanced at his watch. "10:30? Who the fuck would be here at 10:30?" He gave Kammi a quick peck on the lips. "Finish getting ready for bed. I'll go see who's at the door." Kammi pouted. "Okay. Don't take too long."

"I won't." 

-

He quickly walked out of their bedroom and jogged down the stairs. The person behind the door hadn't let up with ringing the doorbell. "Okay, okay! Jesus, I'm coming." Aleks yelled annoyed. He grabbed the handle and yanked the door open. 

"James? What are you--" Aleks had no time to react before James grabbed his face and forcefully kissed him. His eyes went wide, but soon found himself giving in.

His tense body relaxed into James' touch and his eyes fluttered shut. Aleks brought his hands up to James's shaky ones, putting his fingers between his, gripping until they hurt.

James slowed this kiss, and the two eventually stopped. Their foreheads were pressed together, and their eyes were shut. Both men breathed heavily.

"Aleks.."

"James.."

Aleks opened his eyes first. He looked at James. His heart started to race and panic started to set in. He felt like screaming at him, but he couldn't break his heart more than he already has.

"James.. What are you doing here?"

James slowly looked at Aleks and released his hands. He stepped back so there was space between them. "Tell me you don't still have feelings for me. Tell me that kiss meant nothing to you. Tell me that there's no hope for us." Aleks blinked in confusion. "Where's this coming from?" He asked. Then it clicked

_The photo._

"James, I.." Aleks scratched the back of his neck. Words escaped him, so he looked beyond James.

" _Aleksandr_ , please.."

_His name_. God how he used to love hearing it come from James.

" _Don't_.. Don't call me that.." Aleks breathed a shaky breath. " _You don't get to call me that anymore_."

Realization started to sink in for James, but he still needed the closure he's desperately wanted for two and a half years. He needed to hear Aleks say it. He needed it like he needs air.

"I'm not asking for a lot Aleks. I need this. Please. If there's one thing you can give me, give me this." James could feel the remnants of his heart break. "If you give me this, this one simple thing, I promise, _I promise on my life_ that I will never, ever, _ever_ bother you again. I will walk out of your life and stay gone forever." He choked out. He was crying but made no move to hide it. "Just please, PLEASE tell me that we're over. _Please_ , _Aleksandr_."

Aleks glanced at James, instantly regretting it. He saw the pain in his eyes. He saw the desperation. He saw _everything_ : their first encounter, their first meet up. Their first video together, the Creatures, CowChop... Anything and everything.

Aleks turned his head away and squeezed his watery eyes shut. "James.." He grimaced, then looked back to James. "There's not... We're not... getting back together. I'm in love with Kammi. She's who I want to spend the rest of my life with. She's everything to me."

James listened. Every word pushed the knife in his heart deeper, and deeper. His world came crashing down around him. An emptiness could be felt in the pits of his stomach. _You got what you wanted. This is what you wanted to hear, so suck it up. Stop being a little bitch!_

"Okay." James nodded then turned to leave. "Sorry for wasting your time. I'll leave. I hope you and Kammi have a great life together."

He ignored Aleks calling after him. _He made it clear James. He doesn't want you. Don't look back. Keep walking._

-

Aleks couldn't do anything but call for James as he watched him walk out of his life. _It's for the best_ he kept thinking, but now he wasn't so sure. "GODDAMMIT!" He yelled. His knuckles made a sick cracking noise when he punch the door frame. Aleks gritted his teeth and growled in pain. He looked up, wanting to blinking a few tears away. Instead, he caught a glimpse of Kammie at the top of the stairs.

Another wave of panic washed over Aleks. "Kammi?" The girl had her hands to her chest, fidgeting with her engagement ring. "Kammi." Aleks said again. She said nothing, only looked at him with a stone expression. Kammi turned and walked back to their bedroom, angrily slamming the door behind her.

_**


	10. confession

_Aleks propped himself up against the door frame. He watched James clean the dishes, still in his pjs and blissfully unaware of his presence. His hair was an absolute mess. It had been a while since James last got it cut. Aleks loved these moments. Everything felt like it was put together, like this was how the rest of his life would be. He smiled at thought of their future._

_"You want some help?"_

_James jumped at sound of his voice. "Jesus Christ Aleks! You fucking scared me!"  He turned to look at his boyfriend who was now walking towards him. "How long were you standing there, you creep?" James put his attention back on the small pile of dirty dishes. He smiled as Aleks wrapped his arms around his waist._

_"Not too long." He said and placed a gentle kiss on his shoulder. "Just long enough for me to realize how much I love you."_

_The grip on James' waist tighten. A weird but comfortable silence fell between them. Aleks pressed his cheek against his back, obviously waiting for a response._

_"You're so gay." James replied, making both of them chuckle. "I love you too, though."_

_Aleks sighed contently, tightening his grip once again._

_"Good,_ because I really, really love you."

\--

James' blood went cold. His heart stopped and completely shattered.His entire body felt like it was caving in on itself.

"James?" Seamus asked.

"Aleks and Kammi.. Aleks is... they.. they're... _engaged_..." James' voice was merely a whisper.

Seamus straightened his back and looked at his friend worriedly. "James.."

"Take me to his house."

Seamus looked at him like he just grew another head. "James, I don't think that a good idea.." 

"Take me there. _NOW_."

\---

Aleks looked at Kammi with a new found love. _I'm going to marry this woman_. He smiled at the thought. "What are you smiling about?" She asked. Aleks broke from his thoughts and smiled softly at her. "Just the thought of spending the rest of my life with you." Kammi smirked as she walked up to her fiance. "When did you turn into such a sap?" She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Just now."

Aleks said, placing his hand on her hips. Just as he was about to kiss her, the doorbell frantically rang. Aleks glanced at his watch. "10:30? Who the fuck would be here at 10:30?" He gave Kammi a quick peck on the lips. "Finish getting ready for bed. I'll go see who's at the door." Kammi pouted. "Okay. Don't take too long."

"I won't." 

-

He quickly walked out of their bedroom and jogged down the stairs. The person behind the door hadn't let up with ringing the doorbell. "Okay, okay! Jesus, I'm coming." Aleks yelled annoyed. He grabbed the handle and yanked the door open. 

"James? What are you--" Aleks had no time to react before James grabbed his face and forcefully kissed him. His eyes went wide, but soon found himself giving in.

His tense body relaxed into James' touch and his eyes fluttered shut. Aleks brought his hands up to James's shaky ones, putting his fingers between his, gripping until they hurt.

James slowed this kiss, and the two eventually stopped. Their foreheads were pressed together, and their eyes were shut. Both men breathed heavily.

"Aleks.."

"James.."

Aleks opened his eyes first. He looked at James. His heart started to race and panic started to set in. He felt like screaming at him, but he couldn't break his heart more than he already has.

"James.. What are you doing here?"

James slowly looked at Aleks and released his hands. He stepped back so there was space between them. "Tell me you don't still have feelings for me. Tell me that kiss meant nothing to you. Tell me that there's no hope for us." Aleks blinked in confusion. "Where's this coming from?" He asked. Then it clicked

_The photo._

"James, I.." Aleks scratched the back of his neck. Words escaped him, so he looked beyond James.

" _Aleksandr_ , please.."

_His name_. God how he used to love hearing it come from James.

" _Don't_.. Don't call me that.." Aleks breathed a shaky breath. " _You don't get to call me that anymore_."

Realization started to sink in for James, but he still needed the closure he's desperately wanted for two and a half years. He needed to hear Aleks say it. He needed it like he needs air.

"I'm not asking for a lot Aleks. I need this. Please. If there's one thing you can give me, give me this." James could feel the remnants of his heart break. "If you give me this, this one simple thing, I promise, _I promise on my life_ that I will never, ever, _ever_ bother you again. I will walk out of your life and stay gone forever." He choked out. He was crying but made no move to hide it. "Just please, PLEASE tell me that we're over. _Please_ , _Aleksandr_."

Aleks glanced at James, instantly regretting it. He saw the pain in his eyes. He saw the desperation. He saw _everything_ : their first encounter, their first meet up. Their first video together, the Creatures, CowChop... Anything and everything.

Aleks turned his head away and squeezed his watery eyes shut. "James.." He grimaced, then looked back to James. "There's not... We're not... getting back together. I'm in love with Kammi. She's who I want to spend the rest of my life with. She's everything to me."

James listened. Every word pushed the knife in his heart deeper, and deeper. His world came crashing down around him. An emptiness could be felt in the pits of his stomach. _You got what you wanted. This is what you wanted to hear, so suck it up. Stop being a little bitch!_

"Okay." James nodded then turned to leave. "Sorry for wasting your time. I'll leave. I hope you and Kammi have a great life together."

He ignored Aleks calling after him. _He made it clear James. He doesn't want you. Don't look back. Keep walking._

-

Aleks couldn't do anything but call for James as he watched him walk out of his life. _It's for the best_ he kept thinking, but now he wasn't so sure. "GODDAMMIT!" He yelled. His knuckles made a sick cracking noise when he punch the door frame. Aleks gritted his teeth and growled in pain. He looked up, wanting to blinking a few tears away. Instead, he caught a glimpse of Kammie at the top of the stairs.

Another wave of panic washed over Aleks. "Kammi?" The girl had her hands to her chest, fidgeting with her engagement ring. "Kammi." Aleks said again. She said nothing, only looked at him with a stone expression. Kammi turned and walked back to their bedroom, angrily slamming the door behind her.


	11. niave

_James laid uncomfortably on Seamus' couch. By no means was it meant to be slept on for a long period of time. Seamus had offered to let him sleep in his bed, but James declined. He already felt like a burden and didn't wanna further that feeling._

_He wanted nothing more than to be in bed with Aleks. James craved his touch. His body felt cold without him. He wondered if Aleks was sleeping peacefully without him. Probably. James thought. He sighed and readjusted his position, now facing the back cushions._

_His thoughts kept going back to the break up. He wasn't sure why it happened. He also wasn't sure why it wasn't affecting him more. Sure James was upset, but not as much as he probably should be after ending a nearly three year relationship._

_James would have nothing but a home and furry companion to return to at the end of the week. Aleks wouldn't be there. James didn't know where he'd be, but it wasn't with him._

\--------

"Kammi please!" Aleks pled. "Just listen to me!" Kammi ignored him, not wanting to hear anything from him. "Kammi please. It wasn't--"

"It was EXACTLY what it looked like." Her voice was stone cold. She gripped the comforter in her fists. "I can't believe you would do this to me." Kammi scoffed. "I can't believe I was this naïve."

"He kissed me!"

"But you didn't do anything to stop him, now did you?"

Kammi looked at him for the first time since he returned to their bedroom. Her eyes were filled with hurt, betrayal, and confusion. Aleks felt his heart start to crumble. He wanted to reach out and hug her. He wanted to tell her they could move past this, that he's sorry. He wanted to hold her, but made no move. As much as he wanted to comfort Kammi, he knew it'd make the situation worse.

Kammi closed her eyes and inhaled. "How long?"

"This was the only time."

"No, Aleks," Kammi opened her eyes. "How long were you together?"

Aleks tensed up. "I-I don't see why that matters."

"Aleks... Please."

"Kammi..." Aleks sighed, feeling defeated. "About... Almost three years."

Kammi's eyes went wide. " _Three years_?!" She stood up, not knowing what to say or do next. She ran her hands through her orange hair and pulled it ever so slightly. "How could you have kept something like this from me Aleks?" Her voice cracked as a lump formed in her throat and tears began to well in her deep brown eyes.

Aleks felt another twinge of pain in his chest. "I'm sorry Kammi. I just... I didn't know how you'd react and the thought of you leaving because of it scared me more than not telling you." Kammi chuckled through her tears. "Yeah well, look how much good that did you." Aleks smiled sadly. "Yeah.."

They looked at each other. Aleks couldn't bare the sight of his distraught fiancée anymore and finally walked over to her. He embraced her small frame, placing his chin on her head. Kammi wrapped her arms around him and squeezed tightly.

The two stood together silently, listening to the other breathe. It felt like the world would crash and burn around them if either moved or spoke. Kammi still had so many questions and tempted fate with her next question.

" _Do you still love him_?"

Aleks hugged her small body tighter. He knew he still cared for James, but _love_?

"No."

"You hesitated," Kammi pulled away slightly, "and you're lying." She reluctantly weaseled out of his embrace and looked him dead in the eyes. "Your voice always gets lower and you say it flatly."

"Kammi, I don--"

"But you do." Kammi looked down at her ring. She let out a shaky sigh. "I need some time to think."

Aleks' shoulders fell, along with his expression. "Think? Think about what? There's nothing to think about! I want you and only you! I don't want James! I want you, Kammi." He pled. "I already lost one person I used to love. _I can't lose another_."

Kammi licked her lips then smiled sadly at him. "Aleks, I love you to bits and pieces, I really do. But that doesn't change the fact that you've kept a big part of yourself from me. It doesn't change the fact that you kissed someone else, and that you kissed him the day we got engaged."

"I told you: he kissed me!" Aleks reminded her.

"And I told you that you didn't have to kiss back. You could've pushed him away."

"I wanted to, but--"

"But you didn't. You wanted to push him away, but couldn't because you wanted that kiss just as badly as James. If you had completely moved on from him, that kiss wouldn't have been that desperate. That kiss wouldn't have been that intense. That kiss wouldn't have lasted more than a _fucking second Aleksandr_."

Kammi rarely became angry. She usually found more positive ways to deal with negative emotions rather than blowing up. Aleks stood there stunned, not knowing what to say. No response or apology seemed good enough, so Kammi took it upon herself to speak.

"I'll go stay with my sister for a while. I'll call her in the morning. It'd be best for both of us if we spent time apart."

A break was the last thing he wanted. Aleks felt defeated. He knew her mind was made up. He knew there was no point in trying to change it.

All he could do was grin and bear it.


	12. expecting

**_Two weeks later_**

"Thank you for meeting James." James glanced up and saw a familiar face. "No problem Kammi." He said with a smile. "Would you like a drink?" Kammi shook her head, taking the seat across from him. "No thank you. I can't stay long. I have an appointment to go to soon." James nodded. "Alright, so what's up?"

"I know about the kiss."

James froze up. He didn't know what to say. "Sorry" would've been appropriate, but instead, all he said was "Oh." An awkward silence fell between them. Kammi glanced at her phone. "I have questions, and I feel like I can trust you more than Aleks right now."

James cocked his head. "Why?" Kammi clicked her tongue.

"He failed to mention that you and him were ever an item."

He puffed out his cheeks. "Right. Well then, I'll be happy to answer any questions."

"How long were you together?"

"Almost three years."

"Do you still love him?"

"Wish I didn't."

"Why did you kiss him?"

"I needed closure."

"Was marriage ever in your future?"

"I," James paused, not sure of what to say. He and Aleks never talked about it. Marriage wasn't something James particularly cared about. He never pictured himself settling down.

"I'm not sure to be honest."

Kammi nodded. "I believe you-- excuse me."

James barely had time to react before she rushed off towards the bathroom. Five minutes later, Kammi returned, looking slightly pale.

"Are you okay?" He asked. She sat back down, waving off his concern. "I'm fine. Just a little morning sickness." Kammi then placed her hands on her belly and smiled. His eyes went wide. 

" _You're pregnant_..." James whispered. They were silent for a moment. Kammi looked down at her hands. "Aleks doesn't know." A wave of guilt washed over him. James could feel a weight growing on his shoulders.

"Are you gonna tell him?"

Kammi shrugged. "I planned on telling him the night he proposed, but.." her voice trailed off.

James sat back in his chair. "Wow. I feel like a complete jackass. I just destroyed a family." Kammi chuckled. "No you didn't." He looked at her in disbelief.

"No, no I did. If I hadn't of shown up that night, you guys wouldn't be fighting. We wouldn't even be having this conversation right now. I fucked up everything."

James' voice cracked. Kammi reached out and gently patted his hand. "James, sweetie, you can't blame yourself for this." He shook his head and scoffed. Kammi sighed. "Whether he admits it or not, Aleks wanted that kiss too. He still cares about you. A lot."

He met her eyes, taking note of the heart break and uncertainty in them. For the first time in the short time James has known her, Kammi looked fragile. Her demeanor was completely different. The joyous spirit that once filled her seemed gone. She was broken.

James pressed his lips together then sighed. He reached for her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "Kammi, listen to me...

"Aleks loves you more than he ever could me. He looks at you the way he used to look at me, only more. You bring out a light in him I've never seen before. He talks about you like you're the most important person in the world. Aleks would cross oceans for you.

"I've known him for a long time. I've watched girls and guys come and go. Hell, I've _BEEN_ one of those guys, but none of them, not even me, have ever meant as much to him as you do. So listen to me when I say this Kammi. Really, _really_ , listen to me: Aleks is madly and truly in love with you. Don't give up on him just because of his idiot ex boyfriend."


	13. letter

_James spotted him in an instant. His heart skipped a beat as he found James in the crowd. The man smiled widely then started to tread over. James' feet felt like bags of cement. He couldn't move._

_So he stood there, in the middle of the floor, watching as the young Russian close the distance. Half way, then all the way._

_The two stared at one another. One with a dopey grin, and the other with a simple smirk._

_"Hey James! It's nice to finally meet you. I'm Aleks."_

\--

Kammi looked down at the envelope in her hands. It carried an immense weight. It felt like she was carrying the world. The contents of the letter held the power to destroy said world.

For weeks Kammi mulled over sending it. A month and a half had passed since she last spoke to or saw Aleks. It pained her to be away from him, but knew the time apart would be good for them.

"Still haven't decided yet?"

Startled, Kammi turned in her chair. Rebecca stood in the door with a half smile.

"Am I crazy for still wanting to be with him?"

"No," the older woman sighed, "but you'd also be crazy for staying with him, regardless if your carrying his child."

Kammi placed a hand on the small baby bump. "If I wasn't pregnant, this would be so much easier." She joked. "Can't you just tell me what to do like you did when we were kids Bec?"

Bec joined her sister's side and squatted down to be eye level. She placed a comforting hand on her knee.

"You know I can't Kam. All I can is offer advice and support whatever decision you make."

"What would you do?"

Bec pressed her lips together. "Well, I'm not sure. I'd think about it long term, like would it benefit me more to stay together, or break up? And then ya know, the kid and what would be best for him or her."

Kammi nodded with closed eyes, trying to visualize her future. All that came to her was her unborn baby. The happiest little girl she'd ever seen. She was a spitting image of her father, except for the fiery hair. Then, out in the far distance, a male figure appeared. She smiled at the image playing in her mind.

Slowly, Kammi opened her eyes, feeling rejuvenated. Bec smiled. "Figure it out?"

"Yep."

-

Aleks looked at the envelope and questioned it. It had a slight weight that shifted each time he tilted it. He felt around, but couldn't quite make out the shape. Aleks set the other mail down on a nearby table and opened the one from Kammi's sister. Inside there was a letter along with a small, diamond studded silver ring. He delicately removed the expensive jewelry like it would crumble in his touch.

Carefully, Aleks slid it on his pinky as far as it could go then removed the letter. All that was written was a sentence and signature. Three words total. Short, sweet, and to the point.

_"I'm sorry._  
_-Kammi"_

**_END_**.


	14. rejuvenation

"Ya know? It feels weird to finally be leaving." James sighed as he set a half full box at the base of the stairs. He glanced around the almost empty apartment. A burst of happiness resonated deep within him as a small smile crept on his lips. "It's like a much need fresh start." Seamus clapped a hand on James' shoulder with a big grin.

"Can't believe it took you _this_ long to decide to move."

James shrugged.

"It was _home-- our home._ I wasn't ready to let go. I needed that kick in the face from Aleks, otherwise I'd still be fucking miserable. Moving out is the last chapter of what we were. It's a story that was long overdue for an ending."

Seamus beamed with pride.

"I'm proud of you."

James' somber expression changed. He smiled widely at his friend and brought him in for a hug.

"Thanks man, and thanks for putting up with me through it all. I don't know how the hell you did it, but thank you."

"No problem buddy."

_Bzzzzzt. Bzzzzzt. Bzzzzzt._

"Might be the movers." James said before retrieving his phone. He gave the device a confused look. The screen read _Kammi._

"Hello?"

_"Uhm, hi. Is this James?"_

"Yes. Who is this?"

_"I'm Rebecca, Kammi's sister. Uhm, Kammi wanted me to call you and tell you that she went into labor."_

\--

James wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting in the hospital. He'd lost count after four hours. It was daylight when he and Seamus arrived, now it was completely dark. James didn't particularly like hospitals, but couldn't let Kammi go through this alone, even if he wasn't allowed in the delivery room. He felt like throwing up from his nerves.

"James," Seamus said calmly, placing a hand on his knee, "please stop shaking your leg. It's driving me crazy."

James shrunk back in his seat. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Seamus chuckled. "I'm gonna head to the cafeteria and get something to drink. You want anything?"

James shook his head. Seamus shrugged then went to find the cafeteria. Not long after his absence, Rebecca appeared, a huge, happy smile on her face. James jumped to his feet.

"Easy James." Bec joked. "Kammi's fine. Everything went well. She's resting right now, but won't be allowed visitors until tomorrow."

He released a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Good, good. Glad to hear she's good."

"She had a girl," Bec paused, "and the other is a boy."


End file.
